Luke Theriault's Petition

A few days ago, the name of the upcoming Star Wars: Episode II was released. It seems that George Lucas has decided to go with "Attack of the Clones". No, really.

Naturally, this title has had mixed reaction from the fans, with most of them hating it. Myself, I think George could have done better, or at least come up with a title that doesn't make one immediately think of Killer Tomatoes.

At the other extreme, we have people like Luke Theriault. I have no idea if that's his real name or if it's a pseudonym, but it doesn't really matter. (In my experience, most people named Luke are so sick of Star Wars references they never want to hear about it again. But this guy could be the exception.) This guy actually put up a petition requesting that anyone who has ever said anything negative whatsoever about Star Wars should be banned from seeing Episodes 2 and 3. Let's look over his statements. (Text of the petition in red.)




To: flamers

Great start. I thought the purpose of a petition was to let a specific person, agency, or other entity know of the wishes of a large number of people, in the hopes that they will act on that information. It seems Luke here thinks that addressing it to a large, ill-defined group of hostile people will have some effect.

We the people who appreciate the efforts of George Lucas can no longer sit by quietly and be trampled on by the rampaging flamers who call internet message boards their homes.

Wow, they're being trampled on? By rampaging people? This sounds serious. As an aside, the Constitutional reference is a nice touch. Almost makes you think this is some vital political revolution. Let's read on.

George Lucas is one of the few film makers in Hollywood who truly answers to no one. Not of all of his movies have been good, but many of his movies are among the greatest ever made and are, and forever will be, definitive to several generations of Americans and other citizens of the world.

He's going a bit over the top here, but I actually agree with him. Star Wars is one of the icons of our time, and I personally have enjoyed the movies my whole life. Let's see what else he has to say.

Sadly, with the advent of the internet, every person of moronic intelligence or lower has incorrectly assumed that their opinion matters to anyone other than themselves or those few poor souls unfortunate enough to be within earshot.

Well. It seems as if Luke here considers freedom of speech to be a bad thing. At least, for other people to have - he seems to have no problem stating his own opinion. So his message seems to be "No one has anything worthwhile to say and so they shouldn't say it. Except for ME. I am the only one worth listening to! ME ME ME!"

George Lucas is not making a movie for you. He is not making a movie for money. If you have just said out loud "That's not true" then you are the moronic person I was referring to earlier. George Lucas is making the movie because he is the rarest of combinations in Hollywood in that he has the love of movies and the personal finances to make them himself. He writes how he wants, hires who he wants, films when and where he wants. And he names the movie what he wants.

True, George is telling the story he wants to tell. But Star Was is also one hell of a cash cow for him. And if the fans (and the money) didn't matter to him, why would he release the movies at all? He could just make them, and then sit in his private viewing-chamber and watch them all by his little lonesome.

Therefore we petition that every single person who has ever logged a complaint on-line about Star Wars, written George Lucas complaining about Star Wars, annoyed one of his employees at a convention about Star Wars, found time to make a "why I hate Jar Jar website" or any other activity designed to make you feel like a movie producer which you aren't, NOT go see either of his two remaining movies.

Okaaaay. Let's look at what I imagine a typical conversation between Luke and his neighbor must be like.

Luke: Hey, how do you like your new car?
Neighbor: Oh, it's great. But the radio's in kind of an awkward spot on the dashboard. Wish they'd fix that.
Luke: YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD! WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR CAR SO MUCH? IF I HAD MY WAY YOU'D NEVER BE ALLOWED TO BUY FROM THAT MAKE AGAIN!
Neighbor: But I DON'T hate it. It's just this one little thing that bugs me...
Luke: (Jumping up and down) Shut up! SHUT UP! You have nothing intelligent to say!
Neighbor: Stop it, you're getting spittle on my car.

This is not a threat. This is not a "silent-Lucas'-critics" gesture. This is a simple fact. If this movie bothers you enough then you clearly should not be "forced" to see either of the movies.

Sigh...

Luke, let me explain something to you very slowly. THESE PEOPLE DO NOT HATE STAR WARS. It's very hard for a movie to keep a cult following based on people hating it. (How many people do you see still talking about Battlefield: Earth?) If these people hated Star Wars they wouldn't care enough to comment on it. How do you think George Lucas feels that people care about his movies so much that they're moved to action just because he announced a title? Do you REALLY think it bothers him? That's the sort of publicity and fan base that every producer dreams of. So what if not all of it is one hundred percent positive? He knows they're all coming to see the movie anyway, probably several times.

Let me use myself as an example. I've considered myself a Star Wars fan my whole life. That does NOT mean that everything George Lucas does is beyond fault. I think "Attack of the Clones" sounds cheesy. I think Episode I needed some work on the dialogue and had far too much Jar Jar in it. And I'm certainly not going to censor myself from saying so, just to disguise the fact that I have opinions.

But as a final thought, I have to say that while I may not think much of his petition, I DO actually agree with Luke on his basic point, which, if I may be serious for a moment, I read as "Some people have gone way overboard about this, petitioning George Lucas to change the name and such, and it's dumb. Let him make his movie." Where I take exception with Luke is where he lumps together casual commentators ("every single person who has ever logged a complaint on-line about Star Wars") in with the nuts. It's just plain unfair, and it splits fandom into a false dichotomy of the "true fans" and the casual fans. We ARE all on the same side in the end.

So I want to take this opportunity to apologize to Luke for the unflattering way I've described him in this article, since chances are he's a perfectly nice guy who doesn't deserve it. But I'm using humor to make a point, and my humor style is often more acid than wit. So while I stand by my points, I hope he sees this page in the spirit it was intended - in good fun.

But I'm still waiting to hear how exactly he's been trampled on.

See you in the ticket line.

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